What power there is in just saying no!  In a recent discussion with a colleague it became evident that saying no is one of those on-going challenges for women.  During your forties and fifties, it almost screams to be used with greater conscious awareness and perhaps, frequency.  When we are being tried by hormone surges, major changes, and economic tumult, saying no can provide added freedom and power.  Taking that stand for yourself also can begin to point you in the direction of your own truth.

Discerning what is true for us is increasingly important as we come to our late forties and fifties because we are establishing the foundation for our future, the next chapter, if you will.  We have often followed in the culturally preferred and hormonally supported pattern of others first, self, when and if we get to it.  As we step into the perimenopause (pre-menopause) and post menopause period, the hormonal support shifts to  supporting us, our desires, our goals, our pleasures.

As Dr. Christiana Northrup reports in her informative and reassuring book, “The Secret Pleasures of Menopause:”
"The physical and emotional discomfort many of us experience at perimenopause is in effect the labor pains of giving birth to our new, best selves.  Instead of using our energy for everyone and everything else around us, as we did when we were raising our families and nurturing our careers, we’re now biologically called to focus that energy on ourselves."

Selfish?  Perhaps.  Heavens knows we don’t need a lot more self-centered people in this society, but what we could use is more self-respecting, self- honoring, and self-nurturing people.  The old gas mask maxim that your stewardess/steward announces just as your airplane takes off  definitely applies.  “Parents, put on your own gas masks first before helping your child.”  The message can be a matter of life and death.

For us, day to day, saying no can be putting on the gas mask first.  Only you know when you have enough on your calendar;  only you know when you need more time and space for yourself.  Only you know when a “pause” is in order.  A pause that allows you to take time to reflect on “What’s next for me?” “What do I want the next chapter of my life to look like?” “What does my BEST LIFE look like now?” Summer time is a delicious time for this pause.