Headed “home for the holidays” I went to visit my brother and his extended family which has become mine.  Upon arrival at the Salt Lake City airport within minutes the effects of the blustery snow storm melted as my brother and I hugged. 

My brother has an affinity for putting just about anybody at any age at ease.  His winning combination seems to be equal parts of “sincere interest in people” and his delight in jawing about dogs, guns, and politicians, “you name it!” We share a sincere interest in people and he is much better at “jawing” than I, which means he helps me slow down and enjoy watching his ease at engaging clerks, children, and even cantankerous adults.

When we arrive at his home the scene quickly becomes a hum and blur when two grandnephews under 7, their parents and their father’s 40 pound Rhodesian ridgeback arrive.

Children are welcome in my brother and sister-in-laws’ home…and there are rules for kids and dogs.  I find this refreshing since I find my capacity for enjoyment goes up significantly when respect for all is evident.  Respect looks like a very large dog is not allowed to knock children, furniture, adults, etc. down.  Children are seen frequently and heard, and when the shrieks of excitement build, grandpa requests that the boys use their “inside voices.”  I am impressed by the fact that there truly is space even in a bustling house for everyone given “ground rules.”

The opinions diverge widely on a number of subjects and I use my listening skills to check-out the assumptions that I find can easily come to mind when I heard values expressed that are quite different than mine.  There are plenty of juicy topics to choose from:  presidential candidates, bringing home troops and when from Iraq, etc.  I notice some are more comfortable with black and white and I tend to lean towards believing there is a significant amount of gray – things I don’t know and don’t feel comfortable drawing a conclusion about without more information.

No matter who came through their doorway and, I’ll bet there were over sixty in a five day period, they were all welcome, invited in, and listened to at a level that conveyed, you guessed it, “respect!”  That careful listening and respect has etched itself indelibly into the hearts of so many over the years and draws people back to the Smith’s.

So, a few lessons on values that I took away from this holiday are:

=Ground rules set and honored can reflect respect

= Love is about listening and truly hearing one another.

= Differences don’t have to divide us; they can help strengthen our awareness of what is important to us.  They can also become harsh dividers if they are accompanied by judgment of one value being more justified than another.