Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote “How do I love thee, Let me count the ways!”  What if, each time we accepted that WE ARE ENOUGH, we are really saying to ourselves “I love you!”  Over the last week there has been a ripple of recognition among women 50 and over that I talked with that we all too often experience a nagging uncertainty about “Am I enough?”  This question for many comes from early childhood when we were regularly questioned as to whether we were enough … to cross the street on our own, earn enough A’s and B’s, etc.  Then it was generously reinforced, it seems, over the years.  Having the nagging question in the back of our minds, can be a constant “hole in the bucket” of our self-esteem.  That voice-over also can get louder when we are depressed or depleted.

Fresh Choices

I found recently in the Landmark Forum that the phrase, “I’m not enough” had been like an old coat that I put on every day mentally whether I was aware of it or not.  The consequences have been significant!  As I shared this discovery with family, friends and co-workers I also acknowledged how it has gotten in my way being fully present with them, fresh and ready to step up to whatever we were about.  During those conversations, there were sighs of recognition, not only for me but for themselves, they had been “infected with the same virus!”  In one wonderful instance I got a chuckle because this friend has, for the most part, “gotten over it!”

Cleaning up our thinking can be a life-long process.  Fortunately, this freeing act is one that most of us are totally in charge of.  The trick often is recognizing that the mental stumbling blocks are there!  One way to realize this is to watch what is showing up in our lives.  Last week I noticed that I frequently was saying that I didn’t have enough time to do all I want to do.  Whoa… Another form of the “not- enough” syndrome had shown up.  Stay tuned next week to find out the fall-out of that discovery.

In the meantime, “How would it be if in your world you were definitely enough?!  Up to the tasks you took on, enough to have the friendships and loving intimate relationships you desire, enough, just as you are!??”

A wonderful way to reinforce this idea of being enough and be transported to a place of grace is to re-read Elizabeth’s words:

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace…”