Ever feel like you are missing the mark and not really sure why? Like most people on the planet you just might have a saboteur at work that undermines you. The Saboteur is a fear-based aspect of the mind that prevents us from reaching our goals. Saboteurs are tricky parts of us that are often hard to recognize. According to author and researcher Shirzad Chamine, Saboteurs show up as one of nine forms such as the Judge, Avoider, Pleaser, Victim, Controller, etc. Below are ways to break through the impact of your Saboteurs’ undermining chatter and realize more of your potential.

Saboteurs can be subtle, and I can testify that they often take over before you realize it. In fact, that is why you haven’t heard from me via this blog for a few weeks! One of my own personal versions of the Saboteur is the Avoider. If I avoid doing something, I won’t fail. I’ll be better off. Right?! Well, not quite, you missed a potentially wise and witty blog post thanks to the “Avoider tugging at my leg.”

The opposite of the Saboteur is the Sage. Ladies, don’t you love it! Most of us at this stage of life yearn to experience our Sage, and here are strategies to strengthen it. As you implement each strategy, you raise what Shirzad Chamine calls your Positive Intelligence. Here are the strategies.

Let’s start with Weakening the Saboteur.

You may already have an idea of what your key saboteurs are. If so, that’s a great start because each time you recognize a saboteur, you have a chance to diminish it. One way to do this is by connecting to your five senses. For example: Breathe, and then feel the weight of your feet on the ground. Or, listen to the sounds coming from outside your window. Each of these simple acts begins to shrivel the Saboteur and bring you back to a conscious state for making an effective decision.

A second strategy is to build the Sage. In his book* Shirzad provides five difference approaches you can use to build your Sage, and the one that helps me with my Avoider is The Empathizer. When I encounter conflict, my Avoider wants to run away. If I see that person as a five year old just trying to be heard, then I can empathize with that person. As I call on my Sage she appears and embraces both my perceived attacker and my Avoider. I come back to my center and can make more effective choices.

Both of these strategies use the “muscle” of the part of the brain that provides Positive Intelligence. You can build this “muscle” for shriveling the Saboteur and strengthening the Sage by shifting to your senses and using empathy.

So, this week:

- Check out your Saboteurs via the 5 minute assessment at http://positiveintelligence.com/assessments/ then

-Begin to shrivel your
saboteur and realize MORE of your potential!

- Dive deeper into
Shirzad’s work in his book: *Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams
and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How YOU CAN ACHIEVE YOURS.

During January I noticed serious brain fog– misplacing keys, my cell phone, even forgetting an appointment.  A rather scary experience when I’m used to a brain that serves me well. Given the myths on aging, I thought I had perhaps hit some serious undertow of that process.  What I decided was that I wasn’t willing to have the brain fog continue.

My intent was clear – good brain functioning. Health has always been a key priority, however, frankly, I had not thought specifically about brain health. Then synchronicity showed up. I got home from church one Sunday, and it was raining hard so instead of a brisk walk I began to prepare lunch.  Surprisingly for me midday, I turned to a PBS.  A wiry, animated fellow was on the screen. When I heard him listing depression, anxiety and injury as major contributors to poor brain health he had my attention.

An hour later, I knew much more about the brain . Today thanks to recent medical research including that of Dr. Daniel Amen, the man I had been watching, we know much more about the brain than we did even ten years ago . Three things stood out to me:

1. Keeping one’s brain healthy can slow down the aging process.
2. Brain health, like overall health, depends in part on healthy eating and exercise.
3. Stress and depression can both significantly impair the brain’s function.

When a brain scan is used aging can be detected. People who have been addicted to a toxic substance, for example, have much older looking brains. Do you remember seeing the fried egg ads that were meant to scare teens from drugs? Turns out they were not far frrom the truth.*

The good news is that we have much more power to affect good brain health and add to the quality and length of our lives. Over the next three weeks I will explore how to keep your brain healthy.

In the meantime, tune into how your brain is functioning. What contributes to clear thinking and what scrambles it, and share your discoveries as comments to this blog.

* If you are curious what toxic substances, be they drugs or excessive exposure to lead paint, can do to the brain, check-out Dr. Amen’s website.

As a young adult, I never liked being called a sinner, I really didn’t think it was true. My perspective has changed over the years. I have come to realize that there are definitely times when I’ve made choices that were out of alignment with my higher self and with God. Forgiveness is a way for me to get into better alignment. Lent can be a time to remember the power of forgiveness.

Several faiths focus on the importance of forgiveness. In the case of Judisam the faithful are asked to address where they are out of alignment, to get back into alignment and to forgive themselves and others in the process.  When a Jewish person is asking for forgiveness from another, they are to do so in person whenever possible. 

Forgiveness may involve dealing with a “hot fire,” requiring a truce flag!

Truce

What I have learned about forgiveness is:

•   I can ask for it and I can grant it. I do have a part, an important part.
•   I cannot control the outcome. No matter how much I may want to be forgiven, my desires are only part of the equation.
• Grace provides the healing salve. Grace opens hearts and minds that I cannot reach.

Doreen Virtue, Ph.D, suggests, “Forgiveness does not mean, ‘What you did is okay to me.’ It simply means, ‘I am no longer willing to carry around pain in response to your actions.’ When we withhold forgiveness in our hearts, we only punish ourselves, after all.” What this means for me is that when I give forgiveness, I am freed up.

So, what can you let go of or forgive today?

A glow filled the room as a procession of women dressed in shimmering orange, pink and white garments entered. The first carried a glittering miniature tree; others followed with pink laterns. These women were part of the opening ceremony of the 20^th Annual Women of Wisdom Conference. As the procession entered the room the large group that surrounded them chanted “It is our time to be heard.”

Jean Shinoda Bolen well-known and respected author, Jungian Analyst and activist is one of the keynoters of the conference.  Jean consistently writes and speaks boldly on what gives us life and meaning.

Do what you love

“Activism and individuation

(to find a meaningful, inner directed, chosen life-path) come together when the choices we make express who we are. There is a soul purpose to life. Be centered, and archetypes, dreams and synchronicities provide depth and direction. As one phase of life shifts into the next, energy becomes free to take on something that is personally meaningful, fun, creative and motivated by love—my definition of “assignment.”

From Jean’s experience and that of her clients she reflects that it takes courage and boldness to step out of our productivity driven culture to give oneself permission to follow one’s heart.

Synchronicity showed up as I found myself challenged to be bold by a fellow member of our church’s Social Justice Group. She had spoken several times in our group about the Seattle Police using excessive force particularly with minorities. She felt strongly that our group should be speaking out publically about it.  We encouraged her to take the lead in developing a letter. She decided to do it, and two weeks later she brought the letter to our group.

As she read the letter I was a little concerned about its tone and what impact it might have on its readers. I volunteered to help with editing if I could have some support of other colleagues more abreast of the issues. As we worked on the letter I began to think, “Have I gone over my head on this one??” I wavered with one of my predictable self-doubting voices. Then, as I remembered the women chanting, “This is our time to be heard.” I resolved to see that the letter was refined in a way that demonstrates how we would like to be treated by our police force.

Boldness won over timidity, and I am feeling an inner glow that I haven’t experienced for a while.

Who is your heart calling you to be? Or do?

What small, bold step can you take in that direction?

“How do I love thee, let me count the ways

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach… “

Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s sonnet easily comes to mind when I am feeling loved and loving. For me she expresses that expansive sense of exhilaration that I enjoy particularly in new love. I certainly felt that way last spring as I went past fear to engage in a romantic relationship.

Hearts in Harmony

The man I was dating was about to leave for an extended period of time. I wanted him to remember our connection so I wrote him lots of love notes and gave them him to enjoy while he was gone.  In them, I shared how he helped me be more compassionate, fun-loving and appreciative. Writing the notes reminded we of all of the ’sweet comforts’ as we called them that he brought to my life.

Writing to him was made even easier because I attended a Power of Appreciation workshop lead by a fellow coach Andrea Scott. Andrea suggested that we write down what we liked and what we loved about the person that we wanted to focus on and what qualities they reflect that we admire. We were given 20 minutes to complete the task. Time flew by so fast that by the end of the 20 minutes I still had more to say.

Ultimately I gained a great deal from that exercise myself! What I learned was how deeply I felt as I went to my heart to express myself. I also realized what a loving person I am.

Thanks to this experience I reinforced CORE connections that nurture and strengthen my resilience.

What do you like, love and most admire about someone very close to you?

What do you like, love and most admire about yourself?

Take time out with a cup of tea or a glass of wine to relax and reflex on these questions, and you will reap the rewards.

Express your love and share your experience via a comment.

Family can be the best of things or the worst of things. Last weekend it was definitely the best of things as my brother, his wife and I packed three major family-oriented events into one weekend.  The first was a birthday celebration for my brother.  We enjoyed more laughter in four hours than I generally get in three days. What a joy it was to see 8 seniors cajoling, comforting and celebrating each other’s successes. These 60 somethings have known each other for 30 years!  They have shared heart break and satisfaction as they have raised children and overcome loss. They are there for each other when it is most needed.

One of the highlights of that night was the gift my brother received of a handmade light mocha brown cap made of alpaca fleece with ear flaps and a bill. The most unique and touching aspect of the cap was that it was woven with fleece from Gen, my brother’s beloved standard poodle who had died a few months before.  After many groomings my brother had sent Jen’s shorn fleece to his talented fabric artist friend. She saved the fleece for a special occasion, and this was it. For all, this was an evidence of the care, collaboration and creativity that has helped bind this group together.

The other two major events were a day spent tracing family roots and hours on Sunday spent introducing two grandnephews to Utah’s new Museum of Natural History. Part of the magic of the weekend was that several things were anticipated and planned for which built in excitement for each event as it unfolded. The trip to the Museum of Natural History stimulated all of the senses as eyes were treated to handsome, overarching architecture specifically designed to show nature’s magnificent secrets whether it was the resilience of the ant colony or the grandeur of a Brontosaurus. Children and adults could watch water or wind erode the land, or smell a magnolia know to exist during the earliest tropical periods of Utah’s history.

What have you done recently to renew your connection with family and friends?

What aspect of those experiences was most rewarding to you?

Muddled, befuddled and all out of gas. My heart was aching, too. It was past time to leave my engagement with a major client, and I was having a hard time letting go. I had “left my finger in the dike” way too long, hoping that the financials of the organization would improve. However, they didn’t and I did not have the skills, insight or energy to turn things around. I left my role, and felt lost for about a year after that. Resilient I was not.

That event is one of the reasons for my deep interest in resilience. Our fortunes can change given external circumstances, however how I respond to those circumstances makes all the difference in how quickly I get back to “normal” or, better still, a new norm that energies and inspires me. Why did I stay under adverse conditions so long? One of the reasons was because I so wanted to turn things around! A second reason was that I was out-of-touch with my current reality. I was drained energetically, financially and emotionally.

What I Learned: Current reality can be illusive when we so want a certain outcome and have heavily invested in it. Once we accept current reality, and from a spiritual perspective, surrender to it, then we have much more leverage to change our situation. When I allow ourselves to be in work environments, relationships and careers that continually drain our energy, we are headed for a “wake up call!”

How can you tune into current reality? Here are some tips:

1. Am I energized each day going to work? Meeting a friend? Being in a relationship?
2. If the answer is no, how long has this energy drain been going on?
3. What does the energy drain feel like?
4. What are the costs of this drain?
5. Once you tune into the facts, then you can begin to look at alternatives.

If you find yourself with a major energy drain and would like support in assessing its impact and what’s next, call 425-646-8170.

During my first visit with the eye surgeon he said, “It’s important to operate this month.” Over the last year my vision was failing so slowly that I chocked it up to aging.  Then, this fall when I couldn’t thread a needle or easily read spreadsheets, I suspected something far more serious. As it turned out I had a condition that deteriorates the retina and, thus, sight.  The good news is that within two weeks of that first visit I had surgery and my SIGHT in that eye significantly improved. Thank you, Dr. Francis! What a gift!

In the last year I have had several challenges such as the sight problem and these experiences have heightened my interest in resilience.  The economic and political times we are living in also sharpens my interest in how we as members of a society come together to be more resilient. So this year I commit to becoming more resilient than ever before, and I will share my learnings with you in this blog.

Resilience for me is the ability to bounce back from challenges, re-center myself and do what it takes to bring myself to a place of stability to move forward once again. I want to experience vitality, joy, and connection, and I believe resilience can help me have these. Some of my intentions for this exploration are that I will learn more about:

=What gives and takes away energy

=How to tune into natural internal warning systems

=Ways to be more creative with my current resources

=How to strengthen my CORE* for greater resilience

=Using my strengths for natural resilience.

I believe we are indeed part of the whole and that our growth can contribute to others.  Thus, I welcome your sharing what you are learning about being resilient, too.

Until the next time:

What have you learned from a recent challenge that has strengthened your resilience?

There’s plenty to do during the holidays – baking, greeting cards, parties – that its easy to forget how to BE. I recently got together with new colleagues, and we shared what keeps us calm and centered in the midst of the festivities.

Cheryl draws on her yoga practice and a simple head roll. Allow your head to gently fall forward and move it slowly from side to side as your breathing deepens and you relax. This simple movement provides an amazing one- minute spa experience.  Try it!

One of the many tips Elisa shared about staying organized during the holidays is to mark out blocks of time on your calendar for the things that you think are most important. She uses green highlighter for business activities, yellow for pleasure, etc.  I will begin that today.

My tip is to become mindful of our values.  Mine for this season are calm, connection and wonder. Connection is not so difficult this time of year as so many people are reaching out. Not only do I have the holidays in December but I have a birthday as well!  So taking time to be calm through meditation and qigong is essential for me.

And the last value I honor is for my little girl within.  I look at the snowflakes, the twinkling lights and the smiles with the eyes of a child, and it never fails to fill me with wonder. 

So, take time this evening or tomorrow morning with a hot cup of your favorite beverage to decide how you want to BE through the holidays and notice how the doing is so much more fun!  Happy Holidays!

With gratitude and joy,  Sandra

On this brilliant autumn afternoon am reminded of how precious life really is and how important it is to grab the gusto in life while we can.  How?  Here are four of the many ways to experience life’s full sweetness.

1. Celebrate.  Celebrating life daily contributes to having a happier more satisfying life.  All we need is a positive intent and a generous pinch of creativity. For example, my fellow Toastmasters and I recently could no longer use a room which we had used for the past several years.  At first we were in denial that we were losing our favorite home location!  Ultimately, however, our last meeting there provided a chance for each member present to share memories about what that room had helped them create as a person and a speaker.  The result was a deeper connection and gratitude for all we had gained over the years.
   

   Grab the Gusto

2. Belief in the Best Outcome.  The families and friends of the Chilean miners kept their belief that their loved ones were alive and would be rescued.  They told the story of their loved ones returning even during the first 14 days when no one knew if any of the 33 miners were alive. That conviction, no doubt, contributed to the Chilean President’s commitment to have the miners rescued even when the mining company they worked for said they could not do it.  Those who kept the hope alive connected with the hearts of people throughout the world who in turn offered resources and prayers and helped the miners be rescued.  The outcome was worldwide relief and joy over the successful rescue.
3. Acceptance.      We cannot always choose our circumstances but we can accept what is so.  That doesn’t mean being resigned but rather letting go of former expectations so that we can be here now.  I have been pleasantly surprised time and time again when I let go of needing to control a situation and accepted it just as it was. Ironically the situation often produced just what I needed at the time. 
4. Seize the moment. When you have a hunch to call someone, go to an event, buy a house, etc., listen to your intuition and follow through.  I believe that intuitive nudges are “soul whispers” and I now relish them knowing there will be a benefit if I follow their guidance.  

Do add to this list!  I am sure there are many more ways to grab the gusto and up the quality of our lives in addition to celebrating, believing in the best outcome, accepting and seizing the moment, and I would like to hear your suggestions.