Family can be the best of things or the worst of things. Last weekend it was definitely the best of things as my brother, his wife and I packed three major family-oriented events into one weekend.  The first was a birthday celebration for my brother.  We enjoyed more laughter in four hours than I generally get in three days. What a joy it was to see 8 seniors cajoling, comforting and celebrating each other’s successes. These 60 somethings have known each other for 30 years!  They have shared heart break and satisfaction as they have raised children and overcome loss. They are there for each other when it is most needed.

One of the highlights of that night was the gift my brother received of a handmade light mocha brown cap made of alpaca fleece with ear flaps and a bill. The most unique and touching aspect of the cap was that it was woven with fleece from Gen, my brother’s beloved standard poodle who had died a few months before.  After many groomings my brother had sent Jen’s shorn fleece to his talented fabric artist friend. She saved the fleece for a special occasion, and this was it. For all, this was an evidence of the care, collaboration and creativity that has helped bind this group together.

The other two major events were a day spent tracing family roots and hours on Sunday spent introducing two grandnephews to Utah’s new Museum of Natural History. Part of the magic of the weekend was that several things were anticipated and planned for which built in excitement for each event as it unfolded. The trip to the Museum of Natural History stimulated all of the senses as eyes were treated to handsome, overarching architecture specifically designed to show nature’s magnificent secrets whether it was the resilience of the ant colony or the grandeur of a Brontosaurus. Children and adults could watch water or wind erode the land, or smell a magnolia know to exist during the earliest tropical periods of Utah’s history.

What have you done recently to renew your connection with family and friends?

What aspect of those experiences was most rewarding to you?

Muddled, befuddled and all out of gas. My heart was aching, too. It was past time to leave my engagement with a major client, and I was having a hard time letting go. I had “left my finger in the dike” way too long, hoping that the financials of the organization would improve. However, they didn’t and I did not have the skills, insight or energy to turn things around. I left my role, and felt lost for about a year after that. Resilient I was not.

That event is one of the reasons for my deep interest in resilience. Our fortunes can change given external circumstances, however how I respond to those circumstances makes all the difference in how quickly I get back to “normal” or, better still, a new norm that energies and inspires me. Why did I stay under adverse conditions so long? One of the reasons was because I so wanted to turn things around! A second reason was that I was out-of-touch with my current reality. I was drained energetically, financially and emotionally.

What I Learned: Current reality can be illusive when we so want a certain outcome and have heavily invested in it. Once we accept current reality, and from a spiritual perspective, surrender to it, then we have much more leverage to change our situation. When I allow ourselves to be in work environments, relationships and careers that continually drain our energy, we are headed for a “wake up call!”

How can you tune into current reality? Here are some tips:

1. Am I energized each day going to work? Meeting a friend? Being in a relationship?
2. If the answer is no, how long has this energy drain been going on?
3. What does the energy drain feel like?
4. What are the costs of this drain?
5. Once you tune into the facts, then you can begin to look at alternatives.

If you find yourself with a major energy drain and would like support in assessing its impact and what’s next, call 425-646-8170.

During my first visit with the eye surgeon he said, “It’s important to operate this month.” Over the last year my vision was failing so slowly that I chocked it up to aging.  Then, this fall when I couldn’t thread a needle or easily read spreadsheets, I suspected something far more serious. As it turned out I had a condition that deteriorates the retina and, thus, sight.  The good news is that within two weeks of that first visit I had surgery and my SIGHT in that eye significantly improved. Thank you, Dr. Francis! What a gift!

In the last year I have had several challenges such as the sight problem and these experiences have heightened my interest in resilience.  The economic and political times we are living in also sharpens my interest in how we as members of a society come together to be more resilient. So this year I commit to becoming more resilient than ever before, and I will share my learnings with you in this blog.

Resilience for me is the ability to bounce back from challenges, re-center myself and do what it takes to bring myself to a place of stability to move forward once again. I want to experience vitality, joy, and connection, and I believe resilience can help me have these. Some of my intentions for this exploration are that I will learn more about:

=What gives and takes away energy

=How to tune into natural internal warning systems

=Ways to be more creative with my current resources

=How to strengthen my CORE* for greater resilience

=Using my strengths for natural resilience.

I believe we are indeed part of the whole and that our growth can contribute to others.  Thus, I welcome your sharing what you are learning about being resilient, too.

Until the next time:

What have you learned from a recent challenge that has strengthened your resilience?

There’s plenty to do during the holidays – baking, greeting cards, parties – that its easy to forget how to BE. I recently got together with new colleagues, and we shared what keeps us calm and centered in the midst of the festivities.

Cheryl draws on her yoga practice and a simple head roll. Allow your head to gently fall forward and move it slowly from side to side as your breathing deepens and you relax. This simple movement provides an amazing one- minute spa experience.  Try it!

One of the many tips Elisa shared about staying organized during the holidays is to mark out blocks of time on your calendar for the things that you think are most important. She uses green highlighter for business activities, yellow for pleasure, etc.  I will begin that today.

My tip is to become mindful of our values.  Mine for this season are calm, connection and wonder. Connection is not so difficult this time of year as so many people are reaching out. Not only do I have the holidays in December but I have a birthday as well!  So taking time to be calm through meditation and qigong is essential for me.

And the last value I honor is for my little girl within.  I look at the snowflakes, the twinkling lights and the smiles with the eyes of a child, and it never fails to fill me with wonder. 

So, take time this evening or tomorrow morning with a hot cup of your favorite beverage to decide how you want to BE through the holidays and notice how the doing is so much more fun!  Happy Holidays!

With gratitude and joy,  Sandra

On this brilliant autumn afternoon am reminded of how precious life really is and how important it is to grab the gusto in life while we can.  How?  Here are four of the many ways to experience life’s full sweetness.

1. Celebrate.  Celebrating life daily contributes to having a happier more satisfying life.  All we need is a positive intent and a generous pinch of creativity. For example, my fellow Toastmasters and I recently could no longer use a room which we had used for the past several years.  At first we were in denial that we were losing our favorite home location!  Ultimately, however, our last meeting there provided a chance for each member present to share memories about what that room had helped them create as a person and a speaker.  The result was a deeper connection and gratitude for all we had gained over the years.
   

   Grab the Gusto

2. Belief in the Best Outcome.  The families and friends of the Chilean miners kept their belief that their loved ones were alive and would be rescued.  They told the story of their loved ones returning even during the first 14 days when no one knew if any of the 33 miners were alive. That conviction, no doubt, contributed to the Chilean President’s commitment to have the miners rescued even when the mining company they worked for said they could not do it.  Those who kept the hope alive connected with the hearts of people throughout the world who in turn offered resources and prayers and helped the miners be rescued.  The outcome was worldwide relief and joy over the successful rescue.
3. Acceptance.      We cannot always choose our circumstances but we can accept what is so.  That doesn’t mean being resigned but rather letting go of former expectations so that we can be here now.  I have been pleasantly surprised time and time again when I let go of needing to control a situation and accepted it just as it was. Ironically the situation often produced just what I needed at the time. 
4. Seize the moment. When you have a hunch to call someone, go to an event, buy a house, etc., listen to your intuition and follow through.  I believe that intuitive nudges are “soul whispers” and I now relish them knowing there will be a benefit if I follow their guidance.  

Do add to this list!  I am sure there are many more ways to grab the gusto and up the quality of our lives in addition to celebrating, believing in the best outcome, accepting and seizing the moment, and I would like to hear your suggestions.

Celebrate good times, can you hear the refrain?! When there is a wedding, a football win, a birthday bash, we for sure think of celebrating, however, how many times as our lives roll along do we  take note of all the good that is showing up and celebrate?!!

This weekend as I took a coaching course at invite.CHANGE, I had an opportunity to slow down and soak up all the good that is happening in my life right now.  Yes, that commitment to Re-Vitalize my life by revitalizing my home that I talked about in my August newsletter has paid off big time!  By physically letting go of possessions that no longer were needed and files that had long been forgotten, I have expanded my energy and options.  Having energy to focus on what you want is such a joy!

Space being cleared out also has had me revisit how I spend my time and with whom.  I have actually gone from being someone that wanted a relationship but wasn’t sure I had time to a person who knows that I have time for the things that I want in my life, including a relationship!  And, guess what, a relationship showed up.

The coaching course I took is designed to help the coach participants get leverage in our lives and help our clients do the same.  One of the effective ways of doing this is to focus on whatever is up for you through the lens of your values.  For example, I was wondering how this new relationship could work out on the level of timing. Ironically when I have time, the other individual has less of it.  My immediate response was “ahhhh!”  Then through a coaching session I remembered that I am the queen of freedom, I get to choose how I want to spend my time and relish whatever time I have with my new friend.  I went frankly from being rather inflexible in my thinking to being freed up and excited by looking at the relationship through the lens of one of my key values, adventure.  From there it became very clear that celebration is in order.

What in your life wants to be celebrated?!

When things have been difficult as they have been for many us, it can be easy to find ourselves “slip-sliding away” emotionally.  The past although not comfortable seems ironically seductive.  We are so used to the fear that runs in the background, that warns us to be careful, don’t take any risks, etc. that we settle for a present that looks a lot like the past.  I am reminded of a short poem:

“Dance like nobody’s watching,
Sing like you don’t need the money, and…
Love like you’ve never been hurt.”

I came face to face with this reality as my hairdresser and I had a conversation about my current romantic relationship.  I was wrestling with ending it before getting in too deep and risking the thought of a painful ending.  Her response set me back .  “What??? Are you going to end something before it even gets started?  Sounds like you are letting logic lead back to settling for what has been safe and comfortable, and frankly pretty boring!”  Her quick response, punctured my false confidence, and I was quickly in touch with my real feelings.  Yes, I had fallen back in the trap of fear.  Ironically, the decision I was leaning toward looked a lot like I was getting clear and moving on while in reality it was putting me back into the cul-de-sac of false comfort.

Stepping into a new future whether you are starting a new relationship, a job or a business requires vulnerability, willingness to go into unfamiliar territory, and the hutspa to take risks. When I focus on my desired future, I can tune into that rather than the old familiar fear.  So, I plan to dance, following the invitation of Mark D. Sanders and Tia Sillers:

I Hope You Dance
“I hope you never lose your sense of wonder.
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed…
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance.” *
*Words and music by D. Sandres and Tia Sillers

With summer ending, people returning from vacations and children beginning school, we at Seattle First Baptist Church have a renewing annual Homecoming tradition. We celebrate coming back together as a community, and all that it means to us.

Part of what appeals to me about this homecoming is that no explanation is needed as to where you have been. A welcoming, “Good to see you again!” is there to greet you. One of the choral readings during this year’s service was about the return of the Prodigal Son, he who had strayed, lost it all, and returned asking to be taken back into the fold. I ask you, what community, what friends have been willing to take you as you are and welcome you back after you have gone through burn-out, a divorce, losing your job?

Since we are often in denial that our primary relationship has withered away, that we are burned out, or that it’s no accident we were fired – we had checked out sometime ago, it can take months, or years to recover. And, there are multiple resources such as our CORE coaching program and the augmenting services that we encourage you to use for your mind, body, spirit and emotional well-being that can enhance and shorten your recovery.

Three ways that we can begin to come back “home” to our essential self are: 

1. Begin to accept our loss. When we are at the depths of despair and our former world is no longer accessible or acceptable to us, we can feel powerless. Ironically, we can begin to take back our power by accepting the loss. First acknowledge what you have lost. It may not be just be a job if you have burned out, but your identity, your sense of belonging, your health, friends and colleagues. As you discern what your losses have been and begin the grieving process, you also begin the healing process.

A valuable resource for me around loss has been a slim volume titled “How to Survive the Loss of a Love.” The title may suggest that it has just to do with relationships, however, it can easily provide insights and support for any kind of loss.

2. Be gentle with yourself. Listening to your inner critic most likely has been part of the reason for the loss. Now you can recognize that as long as you allow that critical voice to dominate, you’re hampered in moving on. Acknowledge that you hear the voice and take a stand for yourself by saying “Thanks for sharing, what I want right now is inner peace.” Take a walk in nature, sip something warm as you begin your day and read an inspirational passage to guide your thinking. (Flip Your Thinking Flash Cards for the Soul may be helpful, too.) 

3. Look for people, places, and things to be grateful for. It may be a pillow to cry in, the touch of a soft wet nose of your favorite pet (guinea pig, horse, dog), or a warm, bulky sweater that you can get lost in. As you turn toward those things that bring you comfort, you can gradually, gently come back to yourself, and love yourself even with all the pain.

Homecoming to your essential self is both a demanding and a joyful process. You not only discover what got you into the uncomfortable situation, but what can help you avoid going down that path again anytime soon.

Oh, yeah! As seasoned women you and I may feel a bit jaded about following our hearts.  However, as a coach I have come to trust that each of us can touch into a deeper wisdom through our hearts.
 
Several years ago I discovered that there is scientific evidence supporting the wisdom of the heart.  Heartmath Institute provides multiple practices to enhance our connection with the rythm and deep resonance of our hearts. Some of the practices even allow you to visualize how well you are in alignment with your heart.  Being centered in the heart, one is able to think more clearly, stay in a more harmonious state and make choices from a grounded place.

My spiritual roots are quite eclectic.  Thus, even though I am not a practicing Sufi, I often return to the trusted pathway provided by a Sufi tradition.  The Sufis both calm the mind and tune into the heart through the practice of “Remembrance” which has you visually focus on the heart.

This weekend, as I watched the movie Eat, Pray, Love I was reminded that the journey back to the heart’s wisdom can take time.  Julia Roberts portraying Elizabeth Gilbert found her way back to her heart by focusing initially on things she loves: travel, pasta, and the Italian language. That external focus left her happier and more confident of her choices.  However, reoccurring thoughts of her failed marriage reminded her that she had deeper work to do so she headed for India to specifically calm her heart and mind through Sidah Yoga.  She sensed that if she immersed herself in the practices taught at the ashram, she would eventually feel at one with herself, and it worked. 

 Finally aligned with her own heart and with a quieted mind, she was then free to go to Bali.  There she attracted a kindred spirit who also had been through a difficult divorce and was on a path to healing.  Together they learned to trust themselves and then to trust each other.  And, yes, today they are happily married.

• What are the simple things that delight you?
•  What practices are you using to refine and follow the wisdom of your heart?

*This phrase is one of Julia Cameron as expressed in Blessings.
Here is another link that captures the impact of using the “Remembrance.”

Ever feel like you’re trapped inside a snow globe and someone turned it over and gave it a good shake? When I’m not choosing a new adventure and my world turns upside down anyway, it can be very unnerving. It’s a good time to sit down and check in with myself. What part of me is confident we can weather the storm, and what part of me is upset?

 We all have many facets to our personalities, and for me, it is often the little girl within who doesn’t like things to change. She likes to know that everything is OK, and that someone is looking out for her. When things get a little crazy, and I start feeling anxious, it isn’t the “large and in-charge” part of me that is acting up; it is the insecure little one who starts shouting for attention.                               

 While my adult mind is saying,”We’ll get through this, keep calm. Attend to what’s most important,” the little one (or ones) inside are shouting “What’s happening? I hate this! Make it be like it was before!” It’s like trying to drive down the street when the kids are screaming and fighting in the backseat. In that case we need to pull over and talk to the ones making all of the racket. Once everyone has been heard, we can restore order.

When I do have the wisdom to tune in, and give the insecure parts of me a chance to express their fears, the feeling of chaos usually subsides.  I have a couple of tools that I’ve found useful to do this. Journaling is a good way to let the little girl speak up.  I write down questions and then write down her answers. Another tool I find useful when my clients are stuck, or overwhelmed with anxiety, is Voice Dialogue, which allows all aspects of a personality to be heard. Giving voice to these different aspects usually is calming and allows the whole of me to move to a new level of flexibility and resourcefulness.  

 So, if change is shaking up your world, take time to listen to your little one. Trying to ignore her just escalates the intensity of her anxiety.  If you give her voice, she’ll help you stay in balance and you’ll enjoy a more peaceful journey (even if it is upside down in a snowstorm).