Your health, happiness and longevity all are significantly impacted by your friendships!  Sure, I’ve “known” this and probably you have, too.  This knowing was powerfully confirmed last week as I heard a presentation by Shasta Nelson, the founder of girfriendcircles.com and attended a wake for a friend.

“In the quest for better health, many people turn to doctors, self-help books or herbal supplements.  But theyoverlook a powerful weapon that could help them fight illness and depression, speed recovery, slow aging andprolong life: their friends.”                           Tara Parker-Pope, “What Are Friends For?  A Longer Life,” The New York Times, April 20, 2009.

What a statement!  For me that means, friendships deserve particular attention as we arrive at 50 and go beyond. In fact, if we want to GROW as we age, Dr. Paul Dobransky says friends are essential, and they shape our destiny! So, are we giving friendships their far due?  Do we meet regularly with those who are our “In- Commitment Friends,”the closest ones we have?  What are we doing to be aware of and foster our friendships?
 
At the wake I saw and heard friends share stories about our friend Delores who had died that brought us laughter and tears.  Delores regularly fostered friendships by inviting people to join her for salons where we listened to emerging musicians.  She frequently invited friends to join her for lunch after church.  Her good humor abounded and she was known for her Irish jokes.  What are those things which you do that foster your friendships?

Shasta in her presentation deepened our understanding of friendship as she described no less than five different types and how each was important.  To begin friendships we discover or create contact with individuals with whom weshare something in common.  As we spend time with and share with these friends, the bond deepens.  Sharing plays an important role in deepening relationships.

How will you share with your friends this week?

Sunday was set aside as an easy going day. Although I planned several things, the day felt flexible.  However, when I walked out to my car after church I saw I had a flat tire.  Plans were immediately revised.  The fact that I had planned a “flexible day,” left me in a most agreeable state of mind.  From that flexible state of mind a flat tire did not seem like a big deal.

A friend volunteered to help and we recruited another friend in the parking lot when I discovered to my dismay that I had not gotten the last flat repaired!  (Hard to believe! Thankfully they could all relate.)  What followed were a series of steps to find workable solutions for myself and the people assisting me.  My friends, women over 50, and those who assisted us all were gracious, and we found just the resources I needed.  On top of that, they got to complete their desired tasks and I got to do the errand I was hoping to fit in!

What I learned from that experience was:
= Maintain my AAA roadside coverage, I used it!
= Notice what grace seemed to show up with my flexible state of mind.
= Be generous to and grateful for friends, caring for them can create reciprocal good will.

After that experience, I am committed to calling on a flexible state of mind more often!

Where we focus determines our results.  Thus, as we discussed which rituals to toss or treasure on the Diva’s Dive In teleclass last week, the power of gratitude became clear.  When we focus on gratitude, things shift.  For example, when there are differences such as religious backgrounds, honoring both or several during the holidays can be a challenge.  The extra heartfelt effort we as women over fifty put into including the diverse traditions in our families and with friends can provide education, appreciation and gratitude for our roots.
 
In today’s world we are being stretched to see things from multiple perspectives.  Being grateful for our own traditions and open to learning and celebrating others, can expand circles of understanding within families, friends and communities.

What helps build bridges of understanding about different traditions?
= Curiosity.  “What makes this tradition so dear to my loved one or a friend?”  Standing in their shoes to look at something can create greater appreciation and compassion.
= Respect.  Even though we may not value a tradition the way a member of our family or a friend does, we can respect their choices and perspective.
=Taking ourselves more lightly.  One of the participants in the call declared, “Life has gotten a lot easier as I have learned over the years to take myself more lightly.”

To deepen your appreciation of gratitude and the impact it can have, I share this piece from author Melodie Beattie:

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.
It turns what we have into enough, and more.
It turns denial into acceptance,
Chaos into order, confusion to clarity.  It can turn
A meal into a feast, a house into a home,
A stranger into a friend.  Gratitude makes sense of our past,
brings peace for today,
And creates a vision for tomorrow.

Women find countless ways to catch-up, connect and infuse their lives with fun.  Last weekend I both attended and hosted a jewelry party!  Doing so much “jewelry” in one weekend was a fluke and definitely something new for me.  Predictably, the events were about much more than jewelry.  For me they provided opportunities to refresh valued friendships and to get to know a neighbor and her friends better – a fresh infusion of fun and connection.

Several of the women that I met for the first time were in their mid-thirties, young moms and professionals.  Their warmth and openness made me feel right at home.  We laughed a lot! One of the first topics of conversation with that group was Facebook.  At my party where most of us were 50 and over, Linked In surfaced as a valuable way to be professionally connected and form relationships for doing business.  All this happened while trying on beautiful jewelry!*

As I got on-line the next day I received an invite to connect on Linked In from Masah Kalugin, that multi-talented, young neighbor.  She is a recruiter for FILTER with an emphasis on gaming.  Send a job seeker her way and check her out on Linked In.

Following her lead to Linked In I made another 15 connections and received an acknowledgement.  So, if you are looking for a fresh infusion of friendship, connection, and energy, try something new!

*If you are interested in having fun with your own jewelry party, connect with Charmaine Stouder at her Silpada website.