Blog – Your Soul Satisfaction

What lens do you view relationships through?

August 12, 2010 – 7:40 pm

I was awakened by a strange noise about 7:30 in the morning. At first I worried that someone had broken in, but I soon learned that it was Baxter, the neighborhood tabby who makes himself at home wherever he chooses. This time Baxter had jumped up five feet into an open window to join me for breakfast. I welcomed his loving presence.

I really admire the ones who feel comfortable no matter where they are. To them, no one is a stranger. It’s common to find a friendly pet, and it’s especially pleasant to meet their human equivalent. When I met Rubin, I found that communication was open and easy from the beginning. I hired him on the spot for some household challenges that required talent with tools and creativity. My instincts regarding his character were right on. Rubin is thoughtful, courteous, and straightforward with an unmistakably big heart.

At first I wanted to categorize him in terms of his relationship to me, employee and employer, but that is a waste of time. Labels and roles just serve to separate us. What I am discovering is that love is wherever we are if we allow it, if we are open to the genuine goodness in people. We can sense it from the beginning. Are we more present with them? Do they draw out the best in us and visa-versa? Can we be real with them, and are they real with us? These are critical qualities that, for me, are a reflection of love. When we notice which relationships work and which don’t and choose the ones where we are growing and expressing our love with ease, we generate even more love and possibility.

How do you approach relationships, with a critical eye or with an open heart?
Which of your current relationships nourish you?

Baxter went to the door and asked to be let out about an hour after he arrived. I’m never sure about when he will return. However, if and when he does, chances are, he will bring love.

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By admin | Posted in Connection | Comments (0)

Shake, Rattle and Roll – Dealing with Rapid Change

August 3, 2010 – 12:17 pm

Ever feel like you’re trapped inside a snow globe and someone turned it over and gave it a good shake? When I’m not choosing a new adventure and my world turns upside down anyway, it can be very unnerving. It’s a good time to sit down and check in with myself. What part of me is confident we can weather the storm, and what part of me is upset?

We all have many facets to our personalities, and for me, it is often the little girl within who doesn’t like things to change. She likes to know that everything is OK, and that someone is looking out for her. When things get a little crazy, and I start feeling anxious, it isn’t the “large and in-charge” part of me that is acting up; it is the insecure little one who starts shouting for attention.

While my adult mind is saying,”We’ll get through this, keep calm. Attend to what’s most important,” the little one (or ones) inside are shouting “What’s happening? I hate this! Make it be like it was before!” It’s like trying to drive down the street when the kids are screaming and fighting in the backseat. In that case we need to pull over and talk to the ones making all of the racket. Once everyone has been heard, we can restore order.

When I do have the wisdom to tune in, and give the insecure parts of me a chance to express their fears, the feeling of chaos usually subsides. I have a couple of tools that I’ve found useful to do this. Journaling is a good way to let the little girl speak up. I write down questions and then write down her answers. Another tool I find useful when my clients are stuck, or overwhelmed with anxiety, is Voice Dialogue, which allows all aspects of a personality to be heard. Giving voice to these different aspects usually is calming and allows the whole of me to move to a new level of flexibility and resourcefulness.

So, if change is shaking up your world, take time to listen to your little one. Trying to ignore her just escalates the intensity of her anxiety. If you give her voice, she’ll help you stay in balance and you’ll enjoy a more peaceful journey (even if it is upside down in a snowstorm).

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By admin | Posted in Change, Emotional Health | Comments (0)

Tipping Things in Your Favor

July 22, 2010 – 4:36 pm

I love my 15 year-old Toyota Camry. She has been the BEST - dependable, fun to drive, and is good looking for a gal her age! But I’ve been taking her for granted and ignoring the signs that things were changing for her and she needed my attention. As Malcolm Gladwell points out in his book, The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference, small things matter and if we’re paying attention we can profit from noticing what’s happening.

My car is extremely important to me. It is not simply transportation, but an integral part of my business and social life. However, a lot of things lowered her on my priority list. I was trying to save money, and my favoriteservice station changed management. She began having more symptoms until, finally, she overheated and I had to have her towed. Now I’m facing an expensive repair bill or buying a new car. Had I dealt with the small things earlier,I likely would have extended her life and, ironically, lowered my overall expenses.

If I’m neglecting something as important to me as my car, what are the other areas of my life where I’m not paying attention? And as these little things mount up what will happen when they reach the tipping point?

Make the tipping point work in your favor:
= What little signs are you noticing that you’re out of balance? Nip them in the bud. They’re easier to handle when they’re still little.
= What things are showing up that are positive? There are many freedoms at our age that we discount. Finding joy in today means letting go of the past.

If you’d like to find kindred spirits who aren’t willing to settle, who have decided to make these years the best of their lives, Soul Satisfaction would love to help. Either one-on-one or in a group, let’s tip things in YOUR favor.

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By admin | Posted in Money, Stories That Teach | Comments (0)

On the Edge – Meltdown or Launch Pad?

July 14, 2010 – 10:44 am

At the end of May I felt a lot like a slug. It was a familiar feeling, like slowly sinking over the edge into burn-out. Tasks loomed large and no amount of pushing seemed to get them done. I surveyed the situation and one major energy drain stood out. I had been putting time, energy and money into a second business venture that wasn’t panning out.

As I looked over the edge; the choices appeared to be burn-out or letting go. The choice of letting go was complicated by the fact that I really like and respect the team I worked with. However, once I had all of the parting conversations, there was a significant sense of relief and liberation. I let go of the heavy stress I had been carrying. Congratulations were in order.

My next commitment was to rest, to step away and give myself a much needed vacation. Stepping away is a bit scary when YOU are the business. (Will I really ever want to come back???) Well, I am delighted to tell you that I did step away for ten days and spent a good part of that time with family in the sunshine! Now, that I am refreshed, I am choosing daily to embrace lightness, contentment and levity.

When I stepped back into the flow of my life and my business, I had a conversation with a colleague who is a fellow coach, Anita Schamber. She does a lot of work with faith-based communities and suggested that what she found works is “Let God. Let go. Let’s Go.” Ho! I could just feel the relief as I thought of how that could indeed be a new mantra for me. Interestingly since returning from my vacation I have felt a real draw to let go of lots of clutter, physical and mental. This new three-part mantra seems to fit perfectly.

Now, I sense I am on a different edge, one that feels much more like a launch pad, and a poem that portrays this beautifully is by Cindy McMeekin from her book “Awakening the Soul.”*

Stand with me on the edge
Where we can express our passions fully
Speak our truths loudly
Live our dreams boldly
Laugh from the bottom of our belly
And dance with the freedom of a child.

*Get a copy of “Awakening the Soul”
Soul Awakening Publishing
P.O. Box 217
Southworth, WA 98386

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By admin | Posted in Emotional Health, Health | Comments (0)

What are you declaring Independence from?

July 7, 2010 – 8:59 am

As Americans our ancestors declared independence from taxation without representation in 1776. To take this important national holiday to a personal level, what have you declared independence from over the last few months or days?

Being with family over the Fourth gave me a great opportunity to learn from others who had successfully declared independence. A powerful example is a cousin who decided that she was not going to succumb to dying in her early 50s as had her grandmother and aunt. What’s more when she got breast cancer two years ago, she declared she would do her best to deal with it successfully as her mother has. Her mother has been in remission for 30 years.

As I reflected on my own situation, my declarations are unique to my own challenges:

I declare independence from people and situations that drain me.
I declare independence from doing things in ways that overly deplete me. (We all experience fatigue from a day’s work, and when the fatigue doesn’t leave after a good night’s sleep or a vacation, it’s a good idea to find out why.)
I declare independence from unconsciousness about eating and my body.
I declare independence from holding on when it’s time to let go!

What are your personal declarations of independence this year?

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By admin | Posted in Health | Comments (0)

What’s the Gem Hidden in My Current Discomforts?

June 30, 2010 – 6:12 pm

Ever heard that feeling bad, may be good?!! Until we acknowledge reoccurring discomfort and decide to do something about it, things rarely improve. In a conversation with a colleague this week I was reminded of how we, as women, often have years of conditioning that suggests that we should tend to other’s needs first. This conditioning can affect our selection of a profession, a spouse, where we live, etc. That conditioning can also affect our own internal guidance system. Once our own guidance system is compromised, we can be on a path to burnout.

So, how do you re-engage your internal guidance system?

1) Give yourself permission to feel, particularly those emotions we tend to label as negative – anger, fear, depression, etc. Notice when you feel dissonance whether in your gut or your heart, or you just have a hunch. Pay attention. Ask yourself, “What’s off, what’s not working for me?” A client who was never allowed to express her dissent as a child recently was delighted when she realized that she had given a presenter feedback that that person had missed the mark because she had not delivered the results promised. Until we talked my client had not realized that she had indeed paid attention to her feelings and done something constructive with them.

2) Track your satisfaction level. All of us have job and relationship challenges, however, sometimes we don’t pay attention to how long we have been dissatisfied and what about. A good way to become aware of the toll that the job or relationship may be taking on you is to journal about the source of dissonance on a regular basis. Start by exploring the pros and cons of the job, relationship, etc. What can you do or have you done to shift things?

3) Notice what your beliefs are about your situation. I know as a teenager, I didn’t believe it was appropriate to rebel against my parent’s requests or values. Thus, it wasn’t until I was selecting a spouse that my ‘rebel’ showed up; my fiancé mirrored my own rebel! At 26 I finally had enough distance, literally, from my parents that I believed, “Yes, I can choose my own spouse, values, etc.” (I would not recommend this being a way to select a spouse, and doing so provided many lessons along the way!)

Getting perspective on your situation is not always easy when we are simply having conversations with ourselves or with loved ones who have vested interests. Using a coach or counselor may be a valuable alternative to going solo.

In the meantime, reflect on:

How am responding to my emotions such as anger, fear and shame?
What am I doing with my persistent dissatisfaction (with a job, relationship, etc.)?
What is my current belief about my options in my current situation?

Dissonance may, indeed, provide some gems for us if we “polish it” and learn what it has to tell us.

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By admin | Posted in Change | Comments (0)

Access Your Inner Hero for Changes that Stick

June 22, 2010 – 5:53 pm

What do coming of age boys and women 50 and over coming back from burn-out have in common? If you have seen the new version of Karate Kid , you know that the star, Dre Parker a 12 year old boy, is forced to move to a new country (China). When he arrives he has to adjust to an entirely new home, neighborhood and school with its bullies. We are often similar to Dre when faced with a challenging change. However, like Dre, when we wholeheartedly take on the challenge, we often can exceed our own expectations. Three things we can do to support our success in making changes are:

Face the challenge. Dre was encouraged to face his harassers by an unlikely Kung Fu trainer who becomes his best friend. The choice to be honest and face them actually escalated the challenge, and it also gave Dre something very solid to focus on, winning a martial arts tournament. Your focus can be enhanced by having twice as many reasons to make your desired changes as you have reasons not to. Thus, when you want to quit, you will have yet another reason to persist. For example, you are likely to find you want to trade in an adrenalin driven life style for a way of living that provides peace and contentment.

Practice the new skills. Dre is required to do a series of simple, humble tasks over and over again. He tires of them and doesn’t really understand what all he is learning. What brain science tells us is that if we want to learn new skills we have to replace the old neural pathways with new ones and that takes time and lots of repetition. Learning to write an impactful 5-7 minute speech often took hours during my first year of Toastmasters. Little did I know how that discipline of outlining key points and backing them up with detailed stories would improve not only my speech writing but my thinking! The practice paid off. Toastmasters not only gave me a place to improve my skills but unexpected benefits of weekly shared laughter and on-going support.

Find your inner hero. Dre, discovered his inner hero, a part of him that would not crumble to peer pressure or pain. He overcame tremendous odds in part thanks to his inner hero. For me one of the ways that I have jumped into change with a lot more enthusiasm and succeeded is to draw on my inner Diva of Delight. She expands my curiosity, creative thinking and calls me forth in ways that my serious self can’t even imagine. Change becomes a more intriguing and fun when you discover and cultivate your inner champion who believes in you and gives you new ways to show up.

So, ladies,

Who is your inner champion?
What does she look like (Wonder Woman, Eleanor Roosevelt, Tina Turner)?
What wisdom and skills (courage, tenacity, compassion, irreverence, etc.) can she bring forth in you to enhance your life?

Know that your INNER HEROINE is there for you, walks continuously with you and wants you to have a life you relish.

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By admin | Posted in Change | Comments (0)

Lights, camera, action… enter Drama Queen stage right

June 8, 2010 – 10:44 am

For years I’ve know I had a penchant for drama, but I thought I had reduced the Queen’s role to a bit part. As Memorial Day weekend approached I had a newsletter deadline looming. The topic was burn-out and after two versions, I had no satisfaction. I turned to a trusted advisor and she nailed it, you’re in burn-out! Moi, ME, I am in BURN OUT, you’ve got to be kidding! The Drama Queen began to rant and rave. Then came a sigh of recognition.

Yes, I had known what would make me a super visible, hip marketer in today’s social media world, but had no energy to make it happen. So, the Drama Queen had managed to cover up reality with her moans and groans rather than accept it. Now what?! I took the long weekend off with a gentle commitment to find pleasure in small things. Over the weekend, a dear friend demonstrated how she is easily moving into the bliss of retirement. Now, that was appealing! I’d like two scoops of that please!

With these new revelations I gently started out the week and Providence provided. Loretta LaRoche’s book Relax, you may only have a few minutes left jumped off the shelf at me. From my reading I realized my perfectionist had conspired with the Drama Queen to have me running in place for some time. Loretta shared that one of one of her meltdowns occurred as she and her husband started out on a vacation. The trigger was unexpected $3 toll fee. All of a sudden, my own melodrama became clear. I also found I am not alone since, according to Loretta, many Americans are caught up in fast- paced dramas of their own making. The result, massive stress! (Loretta teaches people how to use humor to reduce stress.)

As the Drama Queen in me has struggled over “what’s next, how am I going to make all these shifts happen?!!” The Diva of Delight showed up calm, serene, and confident that we can create a future that “we” will all relish.

What about you?

Where is your Drama Queen showing up?

Where do you feel “burned-out” or getting pretty darn crisp?

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By admin | Posted in Emotional Health, Health | Comments (1)

Celebrating Being 60!

May 25, 2010 – 8:26 pm

Yes, can you imagine, some wise women are celebrating being 60! Entering new decades can sometimes seem like a daunting or dismal affair, not so for Jan Berg. Jan is a fellow coach and valued colleague at at invite.CHANGE, leadership development and coaching services, where she is a partner.

Celebrating YOU

What made Jan’s birthday celebration so different? Women 50 and more coming back from burn-out, you deserve to know!

Several months ago Jan realized that she was not exactly looking forward to having a 60^th birthday. The energetic drag around the idea sparked her curiosity and determination. What would/could bring about a shift in her outlook? Surrounded by very capable coaches, she decided to put them to work helping her discover what would have this birthday be one to celebrate?

If you are familiar with the type of transformational coaching that Jan and I do and train others to do, the client is seen and treated as THE EXPERT in one’s life. As coaches we help you access your deeper wisdom and the resources that are all around you. With that type of coaching, Jan began to discover what she really wanted TO BE at 60 and beyond! She decided her priorities would count and would be placed in the forefront. In the first 59 years of her life she had become expert at nurturing and supporting others. Now, Jan wanted to make sure that she got all the respect and support she deserved, and, to her credit, she knows she these begin with her.

Yahoo! Jan immediately began to make little shifts, like looking at her schedule with a fresh perspective. What would have her excited about her day, week, and year? One of the things she put on her calendar was a trip to visit a friend in Hawaii where she found herself charged with seeing to the well-being of treasured farm animals. She loved the time spent there with a mixture of long talks with her friend, soaking up the sun, and helping with the family “pets.” She also planned to go late in May to her daughter’s college graduation and combine that with a business trip to the east coast.

Life has been sweeter ever since Jan decided her priorities were very important! Congratulations, Jan, you are, once again, a wise woman leading the way into a new decade.

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By admin | Posted in People Making a Difference | Comments (0)

Enough – Oh, Let’s Count the Ways!

May 18, 2010 – 5:37 pm

Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote “How do I love thee, Let me count the ways!” What if, each time we accepted that WE ARE ENOUGH, we are really saying to ourselves “I love you!” Over the last week there has been a ripple of recognition among women 50 and over that I talked with that we all too often experience a nagging uncertainty about “Am I enough?” This question for many comes from early childhood when we were regularly questioned as to whether we were enough … to cross the street on our own, earn enough A’s and B’s, etc. Then it was generously reinforced, it seems, over the years. Having the nagging question in the back of our minds, can be a constant “hole in the bucket” of our self-esteem. That voice-over also can get louder when we are depressed or depleted.

Fresh Choices

I found recently in the Landmark Forum that the phrase, “I’m not enough” had been like an old coat that I put on every day mentally whether I was aware of it or not. The consequences have been significant! As I shared this discovery with family, friends and co-workers I also acknowledged how it has gotten in my way being fully present with them, fresh and ready to step up to whatever we were about. During those conversations, there were sighs of recognition, not only for me but for themselves, they had been “infected with the same virus!” In one wonderful instance I got a chuckle because this friend has, for the most part, “gotten over it!”

Cleaning up our thinking can be a life-long process. Fortunately, this freeing act is one that most of us are totally in charge of. The trick often is recognizing that the mental stumbling blocks are there! One way to realize this is to watch what is showing up in our lives. Last week I noticed that I frequently was saying that I didn’t have enough time to do all I want to do. Whoa… Another form of the “not- enough” syndrome had shown up. Stay tuned next week to find out the fall-out of that discovery.

In the meantime, “How would it be if in your world you were definitely enough?! Up to the tasks you took on, enough to have the friendships and loving intimate relationships you desire, enough, just as you are!??”

A wonderful way to reinforce this idea of being enough and be transported to a place of grace is to re-read Elizabeth’s words:

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace…”

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By admin | Posted in Emotional Health | Comments (0)