Mary Catherine Bateson is definitely riding the wave with aplomb at 70!  She just published her fifth book, “Composing a Future Life, the Age of Active Wisdom.”  She was in Seattle recently speaking at Town Hall about her life and book.  One of her major messages as an anthropologist is that change is a major ingredient in creating your “one sweet and precious” life, and that is as true at 50 and above as at any age.

Riding the Wave

Love it or hate it, change is a constant.  Leaving the womb was, no doubt, not the most pleasant experience to our very new self!  But there we were being thrown out of Eden.  So, perhaps we have been in a type of Eden in the U.S. of A.  Secure, generative, isolated enough to gain our own strength before having to deal with the larger world.  Some of us personally have been that fortunate, but almost all of us right now are saying, “Ok, enough already, can’t we get back to “normal?!!”  Most likely not, most likely we get to work with what is and make the most of it.

Making the most of it was what Mary Catherine was up to when she wrote “Composing a Life” twenty years ago.  She shared the personal stories of five inspiring women showing how their ambitions are constantly refocused on new goals and possibilities.  Mary Catherine provides examples of the fluid movement of adaptation given their relationships with spouses, children, and friends, their ever-evolving work, and their gender.  All shows us that life itself is a creative process.*

Although women for decades had been asking for new freedoms, at the time that she wrote “Composing a Life,” there was indeed individual and collective resistance.  Resistance to women’s taking on new professional roles while figuring out how to be mothers, wives, and friends at the same time.  Resistance is with us today, have you noticed?!  Are you, like me, definitely eager to have our economy “get back to normal?!”  Guess what, this is the new normal, how will we optimize it!

Before optimizing the changes, we definitely are called to deal with our own resistance?  It can show up as confusion, anger, running away (watching television, getting busier and busier), etc.  Well, my inner Diva knows that what I resist persists!  So, when I actually take a moment, or a weekend, or a month or two to accept where I am, an inner calm begins to return, and external circumstances seem less dominant.  Then I have the band width to begin to access my assets in my current situation.  This definitely allows me to begin to ride the waves of my life.

So, thank you, Mary Catherine, for capturing our current collective life movies with insightful perspective.  In doing so, you help us be more at choice!

How about you, are you riding the wave, or being towed under by it?

What’s the form of your resistance?

What impact might accepting your current situation have?

I have been involved with the teachings of Landmark Education on and off since the 70s and one of the powerful points they make is that we are all in this together.  If my family and friends are not happy, my happiness is compromised. This is not really new. However, I think as we have become connected with people all over the world through trade, travel and the media it has become more evident to us all.  However, there is an inherent challenge here.  Human beings are self-centered creatures!

As I build my marketing skills the constant message is “be sure your prospective customers know ‘What’s in it for me!’”  American marketing promotes a “me” culture and some say we are stuck in the adolescent stage. Breaking through to the next stage of maturity as a culture is to cultivate community where everyone counts. 

Those of us who are seasoned women are in a terrific position to help lead this effort, in fact we always have been.  As women and mothers we help others.  When this unwritten law has gotten out- of-hand in our lives we have suffered.  Ironically coming back to our own well-being may indeed involve caring about the needs of others. However, it requires the wisdom of boundaries and caring for our own needs first so that we are capable of helping others.

In this culture wracked by economic and political uncertainty, we need each other more than ever.  When we operate as if only the employed count, we lose.  Millions experience a diminished sense of self anytime they have a hard time providing for themselves and their loved ones. If each member of the community is seen as vital, most can become vital, and we all benefit.  By looking around and seeing what we can do in our neighborhood and communities of choice (church, hobbies, work) we can expand the value of each member for the good of the whole.

What might this look like?  A couple of ideas come to mind. Twice in the last five years my neighborhood has had our lives significantly incapacitated by storms.  The power lines were down for over a week in one instance and in the other snow and lack of plowed roads had us “housebound” for several days. (“Walking in yaktraks was great fun, actually!)  So, one option is to develop a disaster plan of action in your neighborhood.  This would mean you would actually get to know the names, not just a few faces in your neighborhood.  Rather than fear being incapacitating, it could be a pro-active motivator to cultivate community.

A colleague came up with a second idea.  Why don’t we create a community among friends and colleagues to nature simplicity, sustainability and support? We could find out what each member enjoys doing and is good at, what needs members have and match needs to talents.  That goes for resources, too.  If you live near each other share gardening tools, exchange books, baby sitting, healthy recipes, ways to save money, etc. Ok, for sure you get to decide what types of things work for you.  Sharing these experiences will open your heart, and as you reach out and involve yourself you will feel a sense of vitality and joy by being involved in something beyond yourself.

What does community mean to you?

In what ways do you choose to cultivate community?