I so love it when I am jazzed, ready to roll and have lots on my plate! I set specific things I want to accomplish and jump in. That is what I did over the week before and after Easter. And, even though I meditated each morning, I am not sure that I took 10 conscious breaths over those two weeks. The result, no accident, was that I was bowing out of a couple of activities on the last day of that period. I saw a clear “STOP” in front of me.
Amazon woman had showed up again. She has been around for quite a while; sometimes I call her the “pusher,” because that’s what she does. She is determined she can handle it all. That’s part of the problem, she is not very discerning. When I feel my chest or back constrict, I am pretty positive she is around. Now, mind you, this is without any serious input from any current authority figures, just the ones embedded in my psyche.
Amazon woman can definitely be considered one of my “false selves” as Sue Monk Kidd in “While the Heart Awaits” defines them. That is, the false selves are egocentric expressions of the ego, and they consistently look out for “their agenda” while ignoring the needs of the whole.
I’ve learned from Voice Dialogue to have a conversation with my Amazon woman when she shows up to see what her needs are. Unfortunately, she is quite clear that conversation isn’t necessary when she is “in control.” Sooo, when I catch myself “driven” by the Amazon woman, I do my best to slow down to put things into perspective. I get clear that there are so many things that she does not see when she is “in charge.”
As I learn to own and integrate in this aspect of myself, I am called to be aware that:
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The Amazon woman tends to take over when my ego wants to get lots done. And, by the way, show that it can!
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The Amazon woman likes the adrenalin rush that comes in when she shows up, even though quite quickly these days, the dividends can often turn into debits.
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My body is probably the best indicator that things are out-of-balance since tension and shortness of breath shows up.
So, when the Amazon woman shows up, here are some options for me and perhaps for you:
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Pay attention to what I put on my plate. What if less is more?!!!
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Check in through-out the day, several times a day when I have lots to do. Consciously scan my body. How does each area feel, particularly the jaw, the chest and the back?
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Breathe into the areas that are tight. Get a cup of my favorite relaxing tea, OR DANCE.
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Notice how I can be in a state of FLOW versus push. CHOOSE the delicious state of FLOW.
